quickies

QUICKIES

The Prez wants us to volunteer somewhere for 4000.
Cool. Next time he's in town we can go together,
and pick up trash on the freeway.

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Have any of you ever heard of an organization called "Jews For Jesus"
What's up with that?

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Crime statistics are down for the same reasons that a rookie linebacker can't seem to stop Dan Moreno from scoring. There is just a lack of ambition in today's youth. They're too lazy to get out there and raise a little hell and commit a little good natured crime.
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"Why do you need security in an office supply store. If a person is stealing office supplies, that would imply that he needs them in order to work in an office. If he has a job in an office, he can steal all of the office supplies that he needs from his employer."
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“The Surgeon General Hs Determined That Eating Just One Bullet Will Cure Whatever Ails You…”

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I refuse to be the victim in a police report..

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The state of electronics is fairly stable nowadays, and there is basic cosmetic parity among manufacturers. Instead of paying top dollar for the most expensive name brand TV, VCR etc it makes more sense to buy the cheaper version and buy the 2 to 5 year extended warranty.

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In 2000, the US Stock and commodities markets are supposed to change their fractional display to a more readable decimal display for market indices.

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In a move surely meant to degrade the rights of human beings, while raising the status of animals, lawmakers in Northern California have struck the term "Pet Owners" from the official language. The "official" term from here out will be "Animal Guardians". I'm sure that MEN will be required to pay Animal Support payments to Ex-Wives within the next 5 years.

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What is Head Cheese, and who in the hell eats it?

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Did you know that in some school systems, in America, if a group of students are caught offering up a prayer before a school sanctioned sporting event, they are subject to punishment equal to that leveled against a student caught cursing at the same game.

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If a man's hair is falling out, and he's starting to have a bozo look going on, why would he go out and buy an obvious, cheap, ugly hair piece to cover the hole. If the point of wearing the wig is to conceal his baldness and remain competitive in the hunt to attract young girls, how does he convince himself that looking like a damn old fool is going to accomplish the goal?

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Have you ever noticed how people driving in old ass buckets seem to be so businesslike as they roll down the street. They have both hands on the wheel, and their eyes dead ahead. Those folks rolling in new cars are always head bobbing, dancing and bouncing, with one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio volume control.

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I wish that people had to put their cell phone numbers on their license plates. This way when they do something stupid because they're on the damn phone and not watching the road, you could call them on their call waiting and cuss them out.

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Here in America, we just keep on having these crimes that we insist upon tagging as hate crimes. Apparently we are convinced that when a nut from one race makes a victim of a member of another race simply because their races are different, the crime is somehow magnified. The theory is that by tacking on the addition counts, the bad guy will end up doing a few more years in the joint. This is cool, but if the system would stop their incessant plea bargaining, the nuts would be in jail long enough anyway.

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I'm concerned about all the hype concerning the tax cuts swirling around the Fed's budget surpluses. First of all the surplus that they're all talking about does not and may never even exist. It's only a projection of how much money might be in the budget if things keep going the way that they are. All of this debate could have the effect of fouling the well [budget], and cause the surplus to cease to exist. As far as I can tell most of our politicians and bureaucrats are on the take, in one way or the other. As Isaac Asimov would say, "They seem intent to lower taxes and have us pay 10 times as much in graft."
(Update: As of December 2001, the budget surplus is officially a deficit again.)