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| VOL 41 NUMBER 26 - MAY 2001 -
Published By The DFA Publishing Company |
BOOGERS
MAY BE THE PERFECT FOOD
 Doctors at the Mario
Clinic in Franz, New Mexico have
determined that boogeroucious pelletious,
commonly known as boogers, may actually contain
all of the daily nutrients needed by the human
body.
Professer Holcum Bigun PHd.
DDS, ENh & SOb, head of the Nose Of
Plenty Project at Eastwood College,
announced the results of their studies to the AMA
last week at the National Ear Nose and Throat
Convention. "It's possible that the
olfactory system of a single human being, with a
serious cold, could feed an entire family of
four, said Dr. Bigun to the attendees.
There is certainly no reason why any community
should sucumb to famine, when each individual can
produce enough edible pellets to sustain his own
body for several weeks."
The study also seems to
suggest an explanation for the increased
incidence of obesity in modern day America. Using
hidden video cameras, reseachers followed a test
group of fat people around and witnessed them
eating boogers in the comfort of their cars. A
control group of big dudes were only allowed to
eat sugar, implanted in their noses to simulate
boogers. The control group did loose weight, but
over time they developed more tooth decay.
Dr. Willie Pickett OB/Gyn.
attended the convention, and had nothing but big
props for the Eastwood College findings. "This
could be the most important medical finding in
decades. It holds amazing promise. Treating
obesity is now a simple matter of getting people
to stop picking their noses. It will become as
easy to treat as smoking cessation".
Sarath Batugedera, a
visiting professor from Sri Lanka is the lone
critic of the new findings." This is
most surely junk science, he said. The only
reason that the boogers of Americans are so nutritious is because of the
highly nutritious diet available here in the
United States. Many of the folks in third world
countries routinely eat their boogers, but
because their diets are not as rich in
nutritional value to begin with as Americans,
their boogers do not yield any nutritional value.
Thus the people are still starving. Perhaps
Americans may learn to harvest their nutritious
boogers and export them to other countries, but I
doubt that the world will welcome the new
product."
The FDA and the US Surgeon General's
office has made no comment, but are said to be
studying the findings. |
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